Saturday 18th June - Adventures of Tintern

This week we'll visit the home of t'internet with a trip to welsh wales. Can't promise the Thompson Twins but we might bump into Snowy through Blaise Estate.

Apparently, mentioning the recent football score to a welshman will be about as effective as him banging on to us on about a rugby victory against england.... so then; not too much....

'football, what's that???'....'rugby, what's that???'

However, if anybody dare mention how Froomy's gonna put one over on 'G' next month......that's a very different matter; you'd better be able to ride across that bridge as though your bike's just been put on a roof to escape the marauding celts.

Route out will take in the usual sights, Congresbury, Yatton, Nailsea, Belmont before the usual saunter along Beggar BushLane.

Tri-curious can alight in Bristol which should give a 50, whilst total mileage for Tintern will be around 95; let's hope Captain Haddock decides to join us again, it was great to have him along last week.

The Germans couldn't deliver tonight. But we do expect them to deliver very soon.

Woof, woof. That's right Snowy, it's time for the ride report.

Our adventure began when a strange and mysterious man arrived at the school. Snowy kept barking. "Be quiet Snowy, it's only Ivan". Tintin then noticed the missing paint from around his bottom bracket. "I wonder what that could be". Tintin had heard reports in the press about people fitting motors inside their bikes. Before there was time to question the strange man about his flakey paint the cyclists set off. Tintin decided to follow.

After a mad rant up the A370 Tintin was shagged. Snowy was still attached to the end of his lead although his lack of legs and the trail of blood back down the road suggested it had been a hard ride. Don't worry readers. Snowy had time to recover and grew new legs at the top of Frost hill while the cyclists waited for Bernie.

Tintin and Snowy continued to follow the cyclists from a distance. Luckily the straight roads across the open countryside on a bright sunny morning helped to keep them hidden from sight. Tintin had also remembered that this was a bike ride and had packed a bright pink jersey to help him blend in.

At the top of Belmont Hill, Tintin bravely approached the cyclist. "I say you are a scoundrel and a cheat!"
"Not me young laddie. A steel cup came loose and I had to chip away the paint to glue it back in". Before Tintin could say anymore a bearded man approached. "Ooh argh. Quieten down there my boy."
"Captain Haddock!", shouted Tintin. "I'm so glad to see you. This man.......". Before Tintin could finish explaining the cyclists took off at some crazy speed towards Bristol. Captain Haddock took up the chase. "Stay close to me Tintin and we'll catch that cheat". Tintin stuck to Captain Haddock's wheel like glue but they still struggled to keep up. Snowy was now onto his third set of legs.

As they passed through Bristol Ivan decided to take everyone through the Blaise Estate. Tintin was worried. Sure enough, as the got into the darkest part of the woods, Snowy spotted a beautiful bitch and dived into the bushes for a quick one. "Snowy!", shouted Tintin. But it was too late. Snowy was lost forever. "That pesky Ivan. I bet that was deliberate to distract Snowy." Tintin was more determined than ever to catch the nasty man.

At the Castle, Tintin finally had the chance to confront Ivan. "You cheat - you have put a secret motor inside your bottom bracket!". Just then the Thompson Twins arrived. "Don't worry Tintin, we've got this covered." They led Ivan away and later deported him to Welsh Land. From behind there was a loud bark. "Snowy!" Exclaimed Tintin. And there he was, lying on the grass with a cigarette and a large smile on his face.

And they all lived happily ever after. Apart from Richard who got run off the road by a horse box on the A370 but Martin will have to tell that story as he had the best view of it.

What a fantastic story - it sounded a bit like our ride :-)

Richard definitely used up one of his nine lives on the way back down the A370. Some idiot in a range rover towing a horse box started to over take us but probably didn't realise we were doing 25mph+ and when faced with an upcoming bollard in the middle of the road decided, rather than brake to just cut across Rich. I have no idea how he wasn't hit.

I see from Strava that the big riders stopped in Chepstow. The question is who led the revolt?