wednesday 3/4

i'd like to bring your attention to a rather unsavoury incident that occurred in our sleepy welsh parish this morning at approximately 11am.

as the owner of chepstow's premiere christian bookshop/cafe/rehabilitation unit we were shocked to see a bright yellow object appear at our window; initial hopes of a second coming were dashed as the fellow sporting the attire had no messiah like qualities. to our dismay he then entered our establishment in a colour not seen in our hamlet since scargill's boys were hounded out of town by the local constabulary. things continued to take a worrying course when this fellow then ordered beans on toast.

we know he must be one of your gang when his colleague proceeded to strip to his, so called, 'club jersey', the verger got very excited and rushed home to get his draughts but was advised that this would not be the lord's work, especially if it delayed our guest's departure allowing the beans to settle in 'dayglo mans' bowels.

fortunately, your members didn't stay long, making the kind of polite excuses that our establishment has become quite accustomed to. however they did manage to infuriate one of parishoners, 'cider sid', as they left, informing him that their bikes held enough value that we could fund enough bibles to convert a small african republic, or indeed to keep the vicars daughter in crack cocaine for a week as she devotes her life to the higher being. i'm sure you can see that either of these would benefit society far more than allowing your groups miscreants the means to foul our great country, hamlet, parish or drug den again.

yours in peace.

ps, we have parking for 20 bikes around the back

Ahhh . . . . welcome to our forum reverand.

A hamlet is a form of settlement. I think you'll find, your worshipness, that the only thing that settled there recently was beans in the bowels of a MAMIL. One consolation is that the devil's work was being done a little later across the border when the offender was to manifest copious quantities of methane.

I think you should know - you being a father of the cloth an' all, that there are no young boys in our group to amuse you in times of moral weakness. However, you may redeem yourself if you can hold your own on Burrington Coombe (said the actress to the bishop).

See you at the top father!