showmethecakes Sun Oct 15, 2017 6:28 pm
Sorry to disappoint forum fans last week with no ride report. Got half way through writing up the report and got bored.
This week saw the return of the Adventures of Tintin (hull) although ultimately we didn't actually get to Tintinhull. Forecast was looking good on Friday night - dry, warm, light cloud. The reality at 8 o'clock on Saturday morning was wet and dark but at least it was warm so 1 out of 3 this week Mr Shaggaknacker.
The poor conditions caused all sorts of dilemmas. If it does brighten up I'm going to roast in a jacket. If it doesn't I'm still going to roast in a jacket but at least the damp on the inside will be pure sweat and not rain. If I go out on the winter bike and the roads dry out it'll be like pedaling a steam roller. If I go out on the best bike and it stays wet I'll have two bikes covered in farm slurry rather than one. Decided on winter bike and boil in the bag. Nine Pints would be proud. He could probably have steamed a nice piece of cod down my bib shorts this week. Is that why its called a cod piece? Just be wary of the white sauce!
Nine Pints arrived just before departure complaining of a wobble. He'd eliminated all the usual suspects - one leg longer than the other, crank arm missing, large unbalanced gut etc. Turns out he had a large bulge at the rear. He then noticed something similar about his tyre which was showing signs of a nasty swelling. He'd purchased the tyre second hand a few months earlier. Not sure what he thought he was buying but at the time the seller was wearing a large red nose, stripey trousers, a curly ginger wig and sporting a flower that squirts water. Never mind it was Ivan to the rescue and we all bolted round to his house for a cuppa while the tyre was replaced with one out of Ivan's skip.
Messages were sent out to Nick and Andy to explain the delay and explain the route should they wish to latch on. By Banwell the group had swelled to nine and as we powered down the Axbridge bypass three cyclists in Arsenal away kit pulled out in front of us. Can't say who they were - it's all very HUSH HUSH. As there were three of them I suppose it was HUSH, HUSH, HUSH. I expect they work for the MoD or the Police or something. Continuing the club tradition we ignored the road closed sign and headed down the hill into Cheddar. I love a democracy. Three builders and twelve cyclists. Let's vote as to whether or not we can cycle through the roadworks. Hands up. Oh dear, 12 to 3 we win.
Despite Burns calling for unity among cyclists and suggesting we ride together as a group Ivan decided to go man o man with a tractor down Mudgley. It was like Goliath and Goliath. Two large rear ends side by side at 40 mph. At Sweets I momentarily took my hands off the bars and before I could say 'ginger biscuit' my bike had turned into Sweets car park having become so used to stopping there in recent weeks. Course corrected we headed onward to Shapwick, Pedwell, High Ham and Langport where Navigational Officer Burns led the troops the wrong way over the roundabout. It was not a surprise that he led them the wrong way. What was surprising was Ivan being within earshot of the group and shouting to go left. Thought he was miles behind!
Nick joined us at the bottom of Pedwell and was showing signs of a scrape. I'm sure in years to come his tattered club jersey will be framed and mounted on the walls of the Commodore Hotel, a tribute to all the shite on the roads at this time of year. But that's enough said about his cycling mates. The roads were indeed a bit slippy in places.
From Mulchelney towards Martock Nick took out his frustration on the group setting a high speed at the sharp end of the peloton. After about a mile he pulled off expecting someone else to take over the reins but instead we all followed him across the road like a bunch of lightweights. At Martock we stopped at the first cafe we found, next door to Burns Pet Food. Without knowing the quality of food in either it was a tough choice. In the end we dived into the Gluten, Wheat, Sugar, Sauce, Alcohol, Bread, Breakfast free cafe. Most of the group got through the entire Alan Titchmarsh soft porn collection while waiting for food. Gordon Ramsey would have been barking. Still it was nice when it arrived and to be fair it was a lot for the owners great great grandmother in the kitchen to cope with.
Not much happened on the return journey save for Wayne getting a puncture in exactly the same place he did the last time we went down that piece of road. Despite a few grumbles we all made it up Daggs Lane and past the Windmill towards home.
OJC: 5, TTCR: 4/10, KFC: 7/10
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