showmethecakes Sun May 14, 2017 4:43 pm
Not sure where I can fit this into the ride report so I'll get it out of the way now. Best line from Graham Norton on Eurovision last night? "The next performance is a brother and sister double act. He plays violin, she sings. He will be fiddling with her tonight."
Often before I go on holiday I make a check list of all the things I need. I might still forget something as it is not on the list. But at least it minimises the risk. You could do a similar thing on a Saturday morning. Such a list would be quite short. Something like: 1. Bike, 2. Clothes, 3. Glasses, 4. Helmet. That's probably enough to get you round a 60 mile ride. Okay, mechanicals and punctures might be a problem to fix and you could get a bit hungry and thirsty.
Most professional teams have domestiques. They carry bottles and food from the team car to the other riders. I'm pleased to say how professional our 'team' has become with Jeannie acting as a domestique on Saturday returning to her house not once, but twice, for spare glasses for Nine Pints and a helmet for Paul S. The glasses looked okay on Nine Pints but Jeannie had clearly picked up half a coconut shell for Paul by mistake.
After Strada Bianchi Burns the Bread asked if anyone genuinely knew what LGBT stood for? Four people put their hands up. Wonder which one was which? We set off flexing our muscles and talking about beer and sport.
The bunch just about held together on the way to Burrow Bridge. Nick was putting in a couple of big efforts which split the bunch and bagged a few top 10's on Strava. We then proceeded across Chicken Balti, round the Korma and up the Tika Massala to North Curry where we pulled into the community cafe.
We had previously discussed whether or not we could all fit in and decided that if it was empty we would but if it already had a few locals in it we would split up between two cafes. As it turns out the cafe was empty, so we all parked up and went inside. Over 70 volunteers work in the cafe so it was a little disappointing that only two were working this shift. Within two orders they had run out of £5 notes. Karl then had to spend £10 on a piece of cake and some toast, Ivan shared the love around and paid for three drinks. Somehow we covered the cost of everything we had ordered and the staff had diligently written it all down.
Lofty got his order first. I then bagged a piece of fruit cake that I had ordered. About 10 minutes later the lady came out and asked if we had everything. About 15 missing orders went back with her into the cafe. A few more items came out which surprisingly no-one had ordered. Conscious of the ever increasing food waste in the UK, Nick offered to help out by taking the unwanted food and drink.
When young children get bored they sometimes get a bit naughty. While waiting for the rest of the food and drink Jeannie's bike managed to ride itself across the road into a cycle rack. Ivan also thought he'd let down Paul's tyre just enough to make him think he had a puncture. Funny thing is, it wasn't Paul's bike - it was Neil's! No-one actually realised until we got back to Weston.
Anyway, back to the cafe. Mark was still waiting for his ironically named instant coffee. Karl had asked about 6 million times for a piece of coconut cake and at least four slices of toast had gone missing in action. The nice lady came out for about the fourth time and asked if everyone had everything they had ordered. Once more she returned inside with about 10 unfulfilled requests. Once more she emerged with a variety of items only one or two or which were actually needed. This process repeated itself over about an hour until finally everyone was served. To be fair we should have phoned ahead. Then a couple more of the 70 staff might have been available to help and they might have had time to pop to the bank for a couple more fivers. They might also have found someone who can organise a ......... few drinks and cake!
Not much to say about the ride back really. Just ambled along, chatting away, enjoying the pleasant weather. Speed was kept to a reasonable 28-30 mph pretty much from the cafe to Brent Knoll. I think it was only Jeannie who put some effort in smashing the QOM along 1 mile flat at about 28 mph. Don't know what all those numbers mean on Strava; 2nd Overall, 4th Overall etc. Someone might explain it to me one day.
OCJ: 2, TTCR: 9/10, KFC: 7/10. And this years Basil Fawlty hospitality award goes to.....