showmethecakes Sun Sep 11, 2016 10:41 am
Derrick, Rodders, Boycie, Uncle Albert and Trigger had decided to explore beyond the reaches of Peckham and head for the Tour of Britain in Bristol. Leaving Nelson Mandela House, Trigger helpfully reminded everyone of where the glass was just after everyone had ridden over it. Sure enough, within a mile or so of getting onto the A370 there was the inevitable shout of 'Marleeeeen!' Boycie had a flat which on the face of it seemed to be caused by the 3 inch split in the centre of his tyre.
"These tyres you sold me are rubbish, Derrick".
"What do you mean Boycie. Top quality Mavics they are."
"Precisely Derrick."
Trigger suggested swapping the spare wheel from the back onto the front.
After some time in the drizzle the offending object was found which turned out to be a tiny piece of glass and not the 3 inch split in the tyre. Meanwhile Uncle Albert was having a slash in the bushes to make room for another cup of tea.
They all rejoined the main road again and 30 seconds later there was the tell tale sound of pssss.
"Can't you hold it in for more than 30 seconds Uncle Albert!" shouted Del Boy.
Derrick then realised his tyre rapidly deflating.
"I told you they were top quality tyres Boycie. None of that rubbish like I've got." Del Boy searched among the Rolex watches he'd recently lifted from Switzerland for a spare tube.
"Oi Del Boy. What you putting a tube in for?" asked Trigger. "It says on your rim that your wheels are tubeless."
"You dipstick Trigger."
8 and a bit minutes later the Trotters were up and running again and arrived at the Cumberland Basin just in time to see the early riders on the time trial circuit. Not wanting to miss out on the action Derrick led the boys onto the racing circuit.
"Let's get behind that car with all the bikes on the roof. It must be going to the race as well."
"You can't do that Del, that's a team car following the rider in front!"
"Don't be a plonker Rodney. Why would they allow cars into a bike race?"
A few hundred metres later the police outriders convinced Del Boy that he should be on the pavement.
"You should learn your Highway Code. You're not allowed to ride on the pavement you dipstick."
After a long walk along the pavement Uncle Albert was starting to complain. "We never had to walk this far in the war. I remember......".
An enjoyable 2 hours standing in the rain then passed by as one by one the riders came up Bridge Valley road.
"Who's up next Del?" asked Rodders.
"Some geezer called De Mullin."
"Is it over yet Del Boy? I remember in the war we had to stand up for hours...."
"I thought this was the Tour of Britain Del Boy?" asked Trigger, "It's full of bloody foreigners."
After some lunch in the pub Boycie led them to his lock up where they left the bikes and walked out to watch the race.
Some guy was walking around with 20 suitcases. "Who's that?" asked Rodders. "You plonker Rodney, that's Huge Porter. He does all the commentary".
Uncle Albert was disappointed to see a German on the front for five of the six laps. Eventually it all came together on the final lap before disintegrating into small groups on the final climb. Wiggins and Cav coming home together about 15 minutes after the winner and just in front of the broom waggon.
"Oi, Del Boy. Do you think I could get a new broom. Apparently there's a van coming round soon selling brooms."
Everyone ignored Trigger and returned to the lock up before returning home to Peckham.
Great day out.